Sunday, December 23, 2012

Some Fun Because the World Didn't End

Well, I didn't really expect it to. After all, there is still that Cliffageddon the Congress is all in a wad about, and the raising of the Debt Ceiling is coming. The New Year is going to bring a lot of interesting times with it. And we have to live in them....sigh.

So to cheer myself up, I got loose in Photoshop (my favorite toy) and played with gradients and blending modes on a piece of digital paper I found in my Rucola Designs stash, and another from Tangie Baxter, And one from Tumblefish Studios. They are similar, but I think they will be quite useful in my digital art.

Cheerfully suitable for the World Not Ending, don't you think?

Until next time--Nan

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Golly! Almost forgot!

With the End of the World coming tomorrow, I suddenly realized that I had better get my last words out FAST!

Looking back over the year, especially the political year, I find myself almost wishing the world WOULD end tomorrow. Almost...

REASON #1: I was glad the President was re-elected, but I am not happy about the possibility of making my Social Security amount  less and less as I grow older and need it more. I called my two Senators (both hard-working, progressive ladies) and told them to fight any of that nonsense--especially as Social Security is self-financed and has NOTHING to do with our debt/deficit. It took me two days to reach a quavering volunteer at the White House; I am supposing that many callers who expressed their opinions on the Social Security subject were less than polite. I was VERY polite. I didn't bother with my current Representative, as he votes in lock-step with his party, and it wouldn't matter WHAT I told him. I am really glad that after redistricting, I got a new, and more progressive Congressman.

REASON #2: I was--and am--appalled that two billion dollars was spent just on electing a President; I keep thinking of how many hungry that would feed, how many homeless that would house, and how many sick could be healed.

REASON #3: No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get organized Poltergeist still hides things, and no matter how hard or where I look, it keeps them hidden until the immediate need for the thing has passed and I have either A. Replaced It or B. Given Up and Gone On To Another Project.

Reason #4: I have been biting my tongue (well, figuratively, anyhow) about the Government (That's US, Folks! Remember, "We, the People"?) until I am blue in the face. To mix a metaphor. Don't get me started.

Oh, heck! After tomorrow, who will care?

So--I am sending y'all my Holiday Greetings, just in case we don't get to the Holidays (aside from Hannukka--those clever Jews got their winter holiday outta the way in time). And a Happy Solstice!

And I'll see you Next Year, of course!  Nan, who used images from Deviant Scrap (at ) to make this card

Friday, December 14, 2012

My Mother and Telemarketers

My Mother, Anne Hawkins, was a demon when it came to telemarketers. Here are some of my favorites.

Anne Hawkins in 1943

Mama and the Sears Card Telemarketer: or, why they have a script now

mama: Hello?
tm: Hello, may I speak to David Hawkins?
mama: I'm sorry, he isn't available. Can I help you?
tm: Are you his wife?
mama: Yes.
tm: Well, Mrs. Hawkins, we would like to offer him a Sears credit card. Perhaps you can tell us what he does, and what his income is?
mama: I'm sorry, I haven't the slightest idea.
tm: You don't know what he does or his income?
mama: No.
tm: I don't understand. You really mean that you really have no idea what your husband does or how much he earns?
mama: Not the slightest. He's been dead for four years.
tm: Oh. (after a moment of silence) Well, what do you do?
mama: I am the last of the lilies of the field; I toil not, neither do I spin. (hangs up)

Three days later the Sears card arrived in the mailbox. Made out for Mrs. David Hawkins

Mama and the Burial Plot Salesman

mama: Hello?
tm: Hello, is this Anne Hawkins?
mama: Yes.
tm: I represent XXX Cemetery. We are offering a special price on burial plots. These are prepaid plots, so that when the need arises, there will be no cost for a plot.
mama: I appreciate the offer, but I don't think so.
rm: Mrs. Hawkins, this is a great opportunity to reserve your burial plot, so your loved ones will one less thing to deal with when you pass on.
mama: Well, you see, I don't think you really want to bury me, because of my religion.
tm: Oh, we take care of all religions.
mama: Mmmhmmm...but aren't your graves six feet long and three feet wide, and three or four feet deep like all the others?
tm: yes...
mama: Well, you see, because I am a Vertical Buddhist  I should be buried standing up, in a grave that is three feet wide and six feet deep. (hangs up).

Anne Hawkins in 1985

Mama and the Carpet Salesman

mama: Hello?
tm: Good morning! I'd like to tell you about a wonderful special we have going right now. We are the ZYX Carpet Company, and we would like to offer you an unbelievable deal on wall to wall carpets for your new home.
mama: I'm sorry, but we don't have wall to wall floors. (hangs up)

Mama and the Magazine Salesman (who came to the door)

sm: Madam, I have a wonderful selection of national magazines for half the newsstand price. Would you be interested in, say, The Ladies Home Journal, or McCall"s?
mama: (gently closing door) I'm sorry, but I don't speak English.

The poor man was halfway down the drive before he realized what had just happened.

That's all until next time--Nan